Remembering Tony Cleary 1934 - 2016

TO TONY CLEARY RIP ON THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF HIS DEATH

Tony Cleary was born in Erinvale Hospital in the city of Cork, Ireland on July 21 1934.

I met him in Chiswick, London in February 1962.

He died July 6 2016 aged almost 82 years of age.

I am remembering him as I approach the first anniversary of his death. He died July 6 2016. (I begin this blog June 28 2017.

Here are some notes (in italic font) which he made in our genealogy file, possibly around 2011. Any explanatory notes I have added are not italicized, and are in red font colour. I have also added spacing for easier reading

At three years of age, he became ill and was admitted to the Mercy Hospital in Cork to have an appendix opperation. His mother told him that when she was pregnant with him, she was diagnosed with an appendix. When he was born, her appendix problem disappeared.

While he was in the Mercy Hospital (around 1937) there was a major tragedy in Cork City. All the ambulances were diverted to the Mercy Hospital. Tony was in the process of being bathed. He is said to have been left unattended in the bath for a considerable period of time. He became very ill as a result. He was discharged at his parent's request.
After this he was regarded as delicate. He was in hospital a number of times, and his parents wondered if they would ever rear him.

At around seven years, he grew stronger, and so far as survived to reach his 70th birthday (noted Sept 2004) He would have been 82 years on his birthday, July 21 2016, two weeks and a day after he died.

Lived and worked in Silver Key public house Ballinlough as a child. 

Tony's parents, Matt Cleary and Kathleen Carroll, owned the Silver Key pub. I remember Tony telling me how he began serving in the bar, possibly around age eight or nine years old, when he was still so small that he had to stand on a box for the customers to be able to see him. He said that he would sometime do his school home-work on the bar counter among the glasses.

The Silver Key still exists http://silverkey.co/(see here), and we visited it, possibly within the past decade or so. It looks well, but I cannot imagine Matt Cleary approving of all that modern art!

Educated in Pres Presentation Brothers College in Cork

Spent some of war years with relatives in Donaskeigh, Co Tipperary. 

This time spent in Tipperary was one of the best memories of his childhood, so much so, that he almost felt he was from Tipperary rather than Cork, and while he did support Cork hurling, and the great Christy Ring, if Cork was playing Tipperary, I suspect he really wanted Tipp to win.

In 1941 some of the MJ Cleary family went on holidays to Youghal Co Cork with their uncle John Cleary. One day after a particularly heavy lunch, John Cleary was left in charge of Wally and Pat down on the beach while Matt and Kit went off shopping in the town of Youghal.
John Cleary lay down on the sand and fell asleep. Over the next hour or so, the two boyos carried buckets and buckets of sand and covered him to a depth of about a foot, all except his head. Matt and Kit Cleary returned and said 'What are ye doing" at which stage John Cleary woke up.

Tony's brother Pat is still alive in Perth, Australia. I wonder does he remember this incident.

A sad memory from that holiday is that it was at Youghal that news came through of the death of Ellen Mathews (Tony's Grandmother) of a heart attack at the age of 83.Ellen Mathew was a grand-niece of Fr Theobald Mathew the Temperance Reformer  See Theobald Mathew

Around 1950, Tony was standing on Patrick St Bridge with other onlookers, watching a large fire destroy Greene's Flour Mills. (the Clarion Hotel is built on the site (August 2005)
As he watched he saw thousands of rats coming towards him up Merchant's and Lavitt's Quays, spread across the road, and people jumping out of the way to avoid them. A horrifying sight.

Yet despite this experience, Tony was fearless in defending me against mice. Not only fearless, but quick as a flash, he could jump on the unfortunate creature, and make sure it never scared me again!

PLACES TONY LIVED after leaving home. He had other home addresses, but I will have to research to find them out.

Lived at

Actually, Tony also lived in an apartment in MountPleasant Avenue? that belonged to his aunts. He vacated this when his parents came to live in London with his sister Theresa. Tony then moved in with his brother Pat (I don't remember the address, and it was after that he moved in on his own to Raleigh Road

1. 1961 - 106 Raleigh Road, Hornsey, London, N8 (or is it W8) Aileen Lane's my mother address-book

Raleigh Road is where Tony was living when we first met. Not long after we met, I moved into a shared apartment in Cricklewood. (I think it was Fordwych Road), and he would escort me home after our various dates - he was very creative in choosing the places we would go.Sometimes it was a West End show like My Fair Lady, another time we travelled quite a distance to see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. That time I had my first taste of Chinese curry, which almost seemed to set my head on fire, much to the amusement of the waiters standing nearby.

On our return to my home, it was often after midnight when he left to go to his home - of course he went home - I know it was the 'Swinging Sixties', but there were limits we imposed on ourselves. Public Transport , even night-buses would now be unavailable so he would walk home, a journey which Google now informs me would take him over two hours, a distance of about six miles. It was years before I really appreciated the lengths he took to spend time with me.

MARRIAGE

Tony and Elizabeth's Marriage Ref: Pancras 5D 805 4th quarter 1962

ADDRESSES after marriage

2. 39 Southwood Avenue, Highgate, London N5

This was actually where Tony lived when we got married. We only lived here together for a couple of weeks. Before we married, Tony took some very severe epilepsy attacks. Once we had made a date to meet in the City of London area. When he didn't turn up after two hours, and didn't respond when I phoned his address, I went there. His landlady was very strict, and very reluctant to allow me to enter as she had a 'no visitors' policy. But she must have had some awareness that he was ill, so she made an exception for me. 

I slept on his floor that night, and in the morning went with him to Queen's Square Hospital. He was heavily medicated, and kept falling asleep in the tube. Eventually we got to the hospital where they admitted him and took him off the severe medication he was on. He recovered in time for our wedding, but sadly, he was invalided out of his job as a traffic warden, a job he had only been a few weeks in, and which he enjoyed very much. 

One of the recommendations of the doctors in Queen's Square was that he give up the accountancy work he had been doing. He didn't like this work very much, and the doctors thought the stress of it might be increasing the epilepsy attacks

2. 31 Southwood Avenue, Highgate, London N5 (?6)

A few weeks after his hospitalization, we moved just a few doors down the same street, At No. 31 we had two rooms at the top of the house. Tony knew I loved music and that my father had bought me a piano a few years previously, so when the opportunity arose to acquire a free piano, he jumped at the chance. The lovely landlady said she had no objections, so in due course it was delivered. Sadly, it was impossible to lift to the top story of the house, and although the landlady was willing for me to play it where it was in the hallway, her son objected strongly, so it had to go. I'm glad I don't remember where it went. I suspect it might have been dumped!

3.Soon after we got married, we became pregnant, and I became increasingly home-sick, so we moved back to Ireland, and stayed with my parents at

71 Gracepark Terrace, off Griffith Avenue, Dublin 9

While in Gracepark, Tony made numerous efforts to get work – he said one time that he had made 90 applications, and only received three or four replies. One of the things that had motivated us coming back to Ireland was the global invitation by Taoiseach Sean Lemass saying "come home, the emigrants, There is plenty of work in Ireland. This didn't turn out to be true for Tony.

3. c/o Dundrum PO, Dundrum, Co Tipperary 1963/64. This was a caravan on a piece of land owned by JJ O'Dwyer. Later known as Greenlane, Dundrum, Co Tipperary

On one of the nights when Tony visited me in Holles Street Hospital when Joey was being born, he bumped into a man who offered him a job as book-keeper/accountant in Dundrum Tipperary. JJ O'Dwyer told him he had a caravan we could live in, so late in November we set out with all our belongings to move into this caravan.

What we didn't know as we left Dublin was that the caravan had suffered a recent fire and was now uninhabitable. To cut a long story short, we spent that night with Tony's relatives in Donaskeigh (where he had spent time during the war) and were then given temporary lodgings in a hotel in Tipperary town belonging to JJ's brother. After this, we spent Christmas in the Grosvenor Hotel at the corner of Westland Row in Dublin with Tony doing the accounts for the hotel in which JJ had an interest. We still have a souvenir of this hotel, an ornate cake-slice.

Eventually, we moved into the caravan, parked on the side of the Green Road or Greenlane, in Dundrum, Co Tipperary. I'm just thinking now how wonderful it must have been to be in a place of our own, that wasn't in someone else's house. And it was in the country which Tony loved, and the quiet which I loved.

We weren't there for very long, but I have two vivid memories of that time - one was the American couple who parked beside up on the side of the road in what seemed to me their home-made van. I remember the girl, whose name I don't remember, telling me that she had a Siamese cat back home who was very demanding. If the girl was late arriving home after work, the cat would shred the lace curtains into strips with her claws; and if the girl still didn't arrive, the cat would chew its way through the centre of the toilet-roll, leaving only two narrow strips available for human use. That decided me on never wanting to own a Siamese cat, whatever other kind of pet I might agree to.

The other memory I have is of a very cold day. I had done the washing (remember Joey was not yet four months old, still in nappies and nappies in those days were made of cloth and had to be washed by the bucketful) There was field beyond the ditch where the caravan was parked. This field was about two feet or so higher than the road, and Tony had strung a rope between two trees to make a clothes-line for me.

On the day in question, I took the washing up on to this bank, and began to hang the items on the line, shaking each one to reduce the creases. It was when I had finished that I noticed that I no longer had my wedding ring on my finger. I was devastated, and searched in the grass, but not a sign of the ring did I see.

Very upset I went up the road to a neighbour, Mrs Macken, who had befriended us. She immediately said she would help me to look for it. “Say a prayer to St Anthony, and tell him you’ll give him a donation for the poor if we find it.” She said.

As we drew near to the caravan, she reached up, and plucked the ring off the bush alongside her. I always regarded this as a little miracle, thanks to St Anthony who was Tony’s patron saint..

I don't fully remember how Tony parted company with JJ O'Dwyer. JJ’s company still exists, though his family is no longer involved. see here

4. Mountain Lodge Youth Hostel, Burncourt, Cahir, Co Tipperary (1964/65)

I know I had been accepted for the post of warden in Mountain Lodge An Oige Youth Hostel before Tony left JJ O'Dwyer, but I have forgotten how his job was terminated. I do remember that Tony rode a Velosolex motorized bicycle nearly 40km each way, more 2 hour journey each day!

My salary was £2 per week, but we had free accommodation and heat and light. See here for how the hostel looks today - I am amazed to find that somehow the problems with the water pollution have been overcome, and that there are even hot showers - unbelievable. They must have electricity now - we had only gas cylinders for light and cooking, now they have a fridge and freezer. They even have a solid fuel stove central heating. Amazing.

Memories flood back as I think about all this - The rescue dog Bunky that Tony collected in Clonmel, and I think hitched back to the hostel with the dog on a string of some kind; 

Then there was the time we somehow bought a goat as we had been told that goats’ milk would suit Joey's health - On the first evening after we got her we gave her the ridiculous name of 'Teapot'. She gave us a half cup of milk, (we had no idea how to milk her) and the next day, while we were at Mass in Burncourt four miles away, somehow she managed to slip the chain (which we thought would hold an elephant) and she melted away into the misty rain that had descended from the nearby Galtymore Mountain. 

I grin to think of the ludicrous sight we must have made, our two selves and whatever young people were staying in the hostel, wandering through the rain-soaked forest, calling 'Teapot, where are you' - as if she was going to come out of hiding and come back into the captivity of these two innocents who were obviously no match for such a clever animal.

Months later, a group of feral goats appeared close to the hostel, and we wondered was she one of them, coming back to show her friends where she had once spent the night.

I do remember how we came to make the journey to London. Mountain Lodge is only a summer-time hostel, too remote to keep open during winter for the small number of hostellers who would come in the bad weather. So we went temporarily to London to earn some money - I wonder is this when Tony left JJ?

5. 62 Ruby Road, Walthamstow, London, E17 (with Pat and Nancy)

It was very good of Pat and Nancy to take the three of us in - they didn't have a lot of room, and they too had a young child, Martina.

So after a couple of weeks, we found a bed-sit not far away and moved in there.

6. 49 Russell Road, Walthamstow, London E17 (Jan to March 1965)

My most vivid memories of this bed-sit - I didn't even remember the address until I came across these notes Tony made - my two strong memories are firstly the little curtained sleeping-place we made for Joey so that he could sleep while we chatted for the evening. It was very simple – a blanket hung between the edge of the wardrobe and the wall. Secondly I remember the fire I caused by stacking clothes to dry on top of the fire-guard. Not only was this a dangerous thing to do, but what made it worse was that I went upstairs with Joey to visit some other tenants who had befriended us.

I remember how warm and cosy their big room was, and that I could smell slight burning, which I presumed was some of their furniture too close to their fire.

Suddenly, no doubt some angel put the thought in my mind, that it could be the smell was coming from our place.

Frantic rushing downstairs, our friends accompanying me - then the throwing of the burning items out through the French doors, including the library books which had been on the mantlepiece.

I have no memory of serious consequences - like trouble with the landlady for example, but I do know I had to pay the library for the burnt book.

7. c/o 36 St Patrick's Park, Stepaside, Co Dublin (when he first started work at Kilgovvin(Kilgobbin) Mink and Stud Farm, Sandyford, Co Dublin.)

As I remember it, this is how Tony came to live for a short while in Stepaside.

After our stay in Walthamstow in London, we returned to Mountain Lodge to prepare for re-opening the hostel, I think perhaps on the Easter Weekend (Easter Sunday was April 18th that year.) Tony now had a steady job with the Public Lighting section of Walthamstow Borough Council. He enjoyed the work and his regular salary made life much easier for us. So we decided that he would return to Walthamstow, at least for a while.

Well as the time got closer for his departure, I felt more and more unhappy at the idea of his being so far away, and Joey growing up without him. A second reason for my unease was that I was now expecting our second child (Mary born that November 1965)

So when the time came for him to leave, he agreed to see could he get work in Dublin instead of London - at least that way, he could hitch-hike to Tipperary at the week-ends to visit us.

Sadly, Dublin was no easier to get work in than it had been before, so it looked like he would have to return to Walthamastow.

In Dublin, he was staying with my parents in Grace Park Terrace, Drumcondra. On one of his final evenings, my father had a visitor (I wish I could remember the man's name!I think it might have been ‘Jed’ or Jeb’) Anyway, in the course of conversation, this man mentioned a new enterprise he had heard was starting in the Dublin area - mink farming, of all things. That's all it was, a chance remark in the course of social conversation.

Well, the next day, Tony was feeling down in the dumps about his failure to get work in Ireland, and so he decided to 'head for the hills' as it were - so he took the 44 bus which he knew would take him to Enniskerry from where he could go walking in that area of the Wicklow hills.

However, as the bus passed Sandyford, and headed towards Kilgobbin, Tony saw a sign saying Mink Farm, and on a whim, he left the bus and went to investigate. He met the owner, John MacEnroe, asked him questions, mentioned that he was unemployed, and on the spot, was offered a job. Not only that, but when Tony asked where he might get accommodation in the area for his family, Mr McEnroe said there was a gate-lodge on his property which needed to be redecorated that could be rented to him. Meantime, people in Stepaside seemed to be willing to do board and lodging for his workers.

So (again as far as I remember) he left the Mink Farm, went door to door in Stepaside until he found lodgings, and then returned for the night to Gracepark where he collected his belongings and left early next morning to start his new job in the mink farm.

THE INCIDENT with the police

What followed was one of the most bizarre series of coincidences imaginable. It seems that Tony (wanting to create a good first impression) did not want to bring all his belongings to work with him so he left his bag(s) in a nearby derelict cottage.

Work went well, but at some stage, the local police asked to interview him. There had been a break-in locally, and the key of Grace Park Terrace fitted the door of the premises that had been broken into. Apparently, door-to-door enquiries in Stepaside revealed that a man in a long coat had gone around the houses looking for accommodation, saying he was starting work in the Mink Farm.

I'm not sure how he persuaded the Gardai of his innocence, but I certainly was appalled at how easily suspicion could fall on a person by putting two and two together and making five.

8. Greenfields Cottage, Sandyford, Dublin 14 (July 1965 to May 1966)

It took Tony quite a while to clear out and clean the little cottage. Meantime, back at the hostel, I began the process of retiring from the job of warden and packng up ready to leave. My father asked a friend of his who was working somewhere in Co. Tipperary(Was it the same Jeb/Jed?), if his workers might be able to transport me and Joey to Dublin - to Gracepark as the cottage was not yet quite habitable. The friend (it could have been the same man who had spoken about the Mink Farm) said certainly, no problem, and also said that the job was due to end on a particular Friday and to be ready to leave then.

Well I set to work, and even though I was pregnant, had a child and a hostel to manage, I systematically got on with the packing, and had almost everything ready on the Thursday evening, with just a few details to finish the next morning (including taking the stock of the little shop we had opened to supply hostellers while we were there.) Imagine then my astonishment when a small lorry drew up, and a man told us that they had finished the work a day early, and he was ready to take us to Dublin. Such a fuss! Luckily my replacement was able to mind the hostel that evening. The man with the lorry (really a pick-up truck) packed what I had ready, while I rushed around gathering the remaining items, and in the end, it was after nine when we bundled into the van - me, Joey, the dog Bunky, and the rabbit Black Prince. On the journey, we called in and collected two kittens we had promised to take. It was well after midnight when we arrived in Gracepark. My mother was in bed, and I think it was my sister Hazel who helped us unpack.

We put the kittens in the garage - maybe with the rabbit? But I know we put the giddy dog Bunkey in the kitchen with my mother's dog Tex, the most timid terrier ever. What we didn't realize was that Bunky was in heat, and later events proved that she seduced him in the course of the night.

Next morning, a scene of devastation met our eyes. My poor mother, in her usual orderly way had set the table for our breakfast - nice clean table cloth and all. Well, one of the animals, (and I hardly think it was Tex) had pulled the corner of the table-cloth, and now the delph and cutlery were on the floor. Poor Tex was cowering under a chair, and Bunky was dancing around in high spirits.

For some reason I'm not sure how, we began to suspect that she was in heat, and for the few weeks we were there, we moved heaven and earth to keep the two dogs separate, not realizing the damage had been done.

When the final re-decoration was completed, we moved into Greenfield Cottage. I loved it from the start, though not everything that happened in the months we lived there was unmitigated joy. 

Random memories of this time pop in and out of my mind - the green wallpaper in the sitting-room - we installed this in the summer,and also dark green curtains with white fringe trimming. However a few months later, when winter set in, a huge semi-circular damp stain appeared on the inner wall of this room - that is the wall away from the front of the cottage. A little investigation showed that the cottage backed on to a field with the level of the field much higher than the level of the floor. Naturally, there would have been no damp-course in a building of this age.We kept the door of this room closed to conserve heat in the kitchen, and I have a sad memory of going into the room occasionally and finding the kind of damp smell that was typical of 'the room' in old country houses.

I also remember a bitter-sweet memory of Bunky the dog who regarded all horses as her most deadly enemies. Unfortunately there was a riding school nearby and they used to bring the children exercising the horses along Kilgobbin Road, just outside the gates of the cottage. If Bunky was loose, as she usually was during the day, she would dart out, barking loudly at the horses’ legs. It never happened, but I was terrified that a horse, or more than one, might bolt, and the inexperienced riders might fall off.

So I made the very difficult decision that she would have to go. I took her myself to the 'Cat and Dog's Home' in Grand Canal Street as it was at that time. I had the vain hope that they might re-home her - she was a border collie in prime condition, but no, they just took her and put her down, and handed me back her lead.

The justification for what I did was proven about six months later. One morning, there was a knock at the door. When I answered, a man said gruffly: "You have a black and white sheep-dog, haven't you" I replied that yes, I used to have one, but that she had been put down some months before. "That's all right then," said the man, "A black and white sheep dog got my sheep last night"

At that point I felt very glad because, if she was still alive, there is no way I could have proved that she was locked in all night.

Little memories include my mother planting a slip of Mr Tierney's Rose against the cottage wall, and the anemone blanda that grew wild and profusely under the bushes across the drive-way. 

But the most vivid memory from Greenfield Cottage surely has to be Mary's birth there in the early hours of November 2 1965.

It had been a traumatic and eventful day.

First of all, my gynaecologist had come to examine me as baby was overdue a couple of days. Dr Curry, known as the Baby Doctor, said that I seemed to be breech presentation again, and that I would have to go into Holles Street.

This upset me so much, that I ate a full apple-tart to console myself.

I had also received news that Joey, who was staying with my now widowed mother, had been hospitalized with asthma.

So I set out for Holles Street to see the specialist. There was a long delay in finding my chart, and when I was examined, it turned out that it was just a false alarm - no breech, so I could go home and have my baby as planned.

I decided I might as well go and visit Joey while I was in town. When I got to Temple Street, the staff suggested that I just look at him through glass doors as they thought seeing me would upset him!

When I looked in that window, I could see he was very distressed. The ward was extra warm, and he was wearing a heavy jumper over his pyjamas. He was tearing at his eczema, and looked very distressed. I asked if he had been seen, and was told no as they were waiting for the specialist who had seen him as an infant and diagnosed his infantile eczema. I could see no sign of the asthma he was admitted with. Instinctively I knew he would be much better at home.

So I asked to see the doctor in charge. This man told me No it wouldn't endanger the child if I discharged him - I would have to sign the papers of course, but in his opinion he should never have been admitted in the first place. 

Not sure how I contacted Tony, but he came to Temple Street, and we brought Joey home in a taxi.

Most of the evening was a delightful time with Joey, de-traumatizing him after the time in the hospital.

My labour began in earnest around 2315. Tony went to the village to phone the nurse - no mobile phones in those days, nor landline for the most part either.

By the time Tony came back from the phone, I had gone into second stage. In the end, Tony delivered her to the sounds of the Pastoral Symphony. Doctor and nurse arrived shortly afterwards.

We were evicted from Greenfield Cottage in the autumn of 1966. We lived in our mobile home for about six months or so on the side of the road at Kilgobbin while awaiting planning permission to move on to the land at Moreen.

Not long after Mary was born, some months after Tony was no longer working with the Mink Farm, we were taken to court, and an eviction order was made on us to leave Greenfield cottage, though execution of the order was delayed for a number of months. 

I think Mary was maybe seven or eight months when we negotiatied with the nuns in Miltown who owned the land at Moreen near Sandyford village for us to have the use of a piece of this huge field to park a mobile home on. Due to some difficulty regarding the land already being let in 'con-acre', when we got delivery of the mobile home, we had to part it on the side of the road in Kilgobbin. 

The place where we parked was very safe. Beautiful now houses had been built on either side of Kilgobbin Road, fairly close to Stepaside village. In the course of the building, the road had been straightened, leaving a lay-by, and that is where we spent a few months until we could move to Moreen.

I can imagine it was difficult for the owners of these lovely houses to have us there, but we kept the place as tidy as we could under the circumstances. 

It was while we were here that our friend, Fr Michael, originally from Vietnam, and now living in England, came and stayed with us for a short visit. I'm trying to visualize where he slept in the mobile home, but I just can’t remember.

10 Homeland, Upper Balally, Sandyford, Co. Dublin. (May 1966 to March 1970) This was another caravan. Moreen was the name of the townland. It was owned by the Sisters of Charity in Miltown. They rented a small piece of the land to us. We were located close to the ESB station.

The four years we spent here were happy ones. By now Tony had a steady job working night shift in the Post Office in Sherriff Street, and I worked a year or two in Pye in Dundrum. Michael was born in this mobile home, and both Joey and Mary attended the Sandyford School.

8 Seskin View Avenue, Tallaght, Dublin 24 (March 1970 to date - entd July 2004) Actually this is where Tony lived until he entered hospital for the last time five months before his death February 2016.

If I put my mind down to it, I could probably write a whole book about the 47 years spent in Seskin View - We originally called the house New Cana which is where we said the water of everyday life was turned by the grace of God into the wine of the heavenly kingdom.

Tony and I would have been married for fifty four years the November after he died. 

One time I read about the alphabetical theory of marriage:

Some marriages are like the letter A - spouses leaning on each other, and if one falls, so does the other.

Other marriages are like the letter H, two independent people holding hands, but not fully united (very easy to separate them)

Then there are marriages like the letter I, one spouse invisible behind the other.

And there are the marriages like the letter P, one clinging spouse being carried by the other.

Finally, there is my favourite style of marriage, the Y type - united at the base, but individual at the top.

Tony and I were like this - we had many mutual friends, but also separate interests with lots of separate friends too. If anyone had been peeping behind their lace curtains, they would have seen each of us coming home several nights a week, me with a different man, and he with a different woman - but as I always said: There's safety in numbers .

In some ways we were very different - in fact someone once said: Only God would have matched us together. In fact, this was literally true. Tony was making a novena to Our Lady to find him a good woman, at the same time as I was making a novena to St Joseph for a good man. Somehow, I think I got the best of the bargain and I miss him very much.

But my faith tells me the truth of that saying in the Funeral Mass: Life is changed, not taken away. I have a strong sense that if he is with God (and surely such a good and loving man cannot be anywhere else,); and God is everywhere, then Tony Cleary rides the wind of the Holy Spirit wherever I am.

Each morning, I go to the window, and search for a trembling leaf on one of the bushes. When I see it, I know he is saying Benedicamus Domine (Blessed be God) and I reply Deo Gratias (Thanks be to God), just as I did for so many of the years I lived with him.We learned to do this from one of the Dominicans, Fr Joe Kavanagh OP who mentioned this Dominican custom in one of his sermons.

*****

As I come to the end of this blog, it is the night before Tony's 1at anniversary. I'm in Knock, Co May as a guest of Fr Martin McCarthy whose 47th anniversay of his ordination was today.

Inevitably, I think back to the moment of Tony's death.

Here are some notes I wrote at the time:

On July 6, as some of you already know, Tony died of multiple organ failure.

He had been hospitalized since February 5, and although in a rehabilitation unit, was making somewhat limited recovery.

In the end, his various chronic conditions caused his organs to fail over the course of just a week.

He was living in the rehabilitation centre at Peamount, but his platelets levels needed constant monitoring at Tallaght hospital. I visited him while he was there the previous Wednesday (June 30). He was in very good form despite his levels being on the low side. It was great to see him interacting with staff he had known over the months, and nothing I saw made me think that he would die so quickly.

He returned to Peamount (rehab) that afternoon, but as his bloods dropped further, he returned to Tallaght Hospital where he was admitted next day (Thursday). By Friday evening, his blood levels had improved, but his heart was fibrillating, so he was moved to the cardiac unit.

I saw him there on the Saturday. The doctors had called me in to tell me that he was very ill, and they were not sure the treatment they proposed would be successful. His form improved during the course of the visit, and he was joking with me and the chaplain saying: "Sure I have to die sometime, only God knows when and how"

Then he went on: "But when I go, I want to be dressed in the blue jumper I bought in London last year. I want to be cremated, don't put cut flowers on my grave, and I'd like if people would sow a plant in their own garden to remember me by."

He knew he was very ill, but was cheerful just the same.

By now his heart was a little improved, but his kidneys were failing. He agreed to let them try dialysis over the next few days. Little by little he became unable to talk to us. 

By Tuesday, the decision was taken to reduce the mechanical supports he was on, and to concentrate on making his comfortable.

On Wednesday July 6 2016, as the Angelus was ringing at midday, he died. Most of the family were there with him as was the chaplain who anointed him. It was very peaceful. I had never seen anyone dying before, but the experience has convinced me that if I live even half as well as Tony did, I need never fear death.

His funeral was held on Saturday, and yes, it was all as he had planned, including a 'party' afterwards with people laughing and chatting, just as he had so often talked about during his life. Someone said it was the happiest funeral they were ever at - a great tribute to a man who had brought so much peace, comfort and happiness to the lives of others.

More quotations from Tony's own notes in the Genealogy File c2004.

WORK

Tony worked at various jobs:

Accountant in Cork (McCarthy Daly) and in London (Stone's Furniture),

Traffic Warden in London

Book-keeper in Tipperary(JJ O'Dwyer) and Dublin (Hendron's)

Store-keeper in London

Walthamstow Borough Council Public Lighting

Farm-worker in Mink Farm ( McEnroe of Kilgobbin)

Salesman (World Book Encyclopedia and Screens for TV)

Postman in Sandyford, Churchtown, Tallaght and Sherriff Street

Shop-steward in Urney Chocolates, Tallaght,

School-caretaker St Mark's Community School, Springfield, Tallaght 1981 to 1999

Retired in 1999

Security and caretaking Collaiste Cois Life, Lucan 2000. Spoke Irish to staff and students while working there.

HOBBIES

Life member of An Oige

Founded Dublin 24th Scouts in Tallaght around 1970

Committee member of Postal Pitch and Putt Club

Committee member of Urney's Social Pitch and Putt Club

Member of Old Bawn Residents Association

Auditor for Tallaght Theatre Group

Volunteered for World Special Olympics Dublin 2003

Long time member of Tallaght Credit Union

Highly skilled amateur Genealogist

Founder member and effective leader of TAI (Transactional Analysis in Ireland)

RELIGIOUS ACTIVITIES

Lifetime Roman Catholic

Member of Legion of Mary

Member of St Vincent de Paul

Franciscan Tertiary

Founder Member of Dominican Laity at St Dominic's Tallaght

Volunteered with St John of God Hospitality House, Westpark Tallaght

Founder member of St Dominic's Prayer Group, Tallaght

Visited Knock Shrine annually for many years

Visited Medjugorje twice

Involved with prayergroups for young people for many years.

Part of Camp Jesus team 1978 1984 approx.

Prayer-Friend of Emmaus Group for many years

Prayer-Friend of Rostrever Reconciliation centre.

TRAVEL

Cycled all over Ireland as a life member of An Oige hostelling organization.

Visited England, Scotland, Norway and Sweden before marriage.

Visited Medjugorje in Bosnia/Yugoslavia twice

Visited Rome 1988 (Mary's wedding)

Toured the world with Elizabeth between October 2002 and June 2003

Places visited on that trip were:

Brussells in Belgium; Copenhagen in Denmark; Barcelona in Spain; Florence and Venice in Italy;Innsbruck,Salzburg, and Vienna in Austria, Krakow in Poland, Munster in Germany; Luxembourg city. Then to Bangkok in Thailand; Manila in Philippines; Jakarta in Indonesia; Hong Kong (overnight) Perth, Freemantle, Yanchep, New Norcia and Sydney in Australia; Auckland, Christchurch, Wellington, Rotorua, and various places in the Northland of New Zealand; Lima, Cuzco, and Machiu Pichiu in Peru; Mexico City in Mexico, Dallas Forth Worth, Houston, and El Paso in Texas, San Francisco, Klamath, and Layfayette in California, St Louis in Missouri, Minneapolis in Minnesota, Wisconsin )2 places); New Jersey, Raleigh-Durham in North Carolina, Virginia, Washington, Boston in Massachusetts; New York city and state (United States), Montreal, Toronto and Niagra Falls in Canada, After that Glasgow, Edinburgh, Inverness, Oban, Isle of Mull, and Ayr in Scotland; York, London, Folkestone, Brighton-Hove, Arundel, Cornwall, in England; Aberswyth, Machnellyth, and N (?Neath).. in Wales

We stayed with relatives, with friends, with SERVAS hosts, in hostels, bed-and breakfasts, 2 hotels , a motel, and a monastery.

We travelled by bus, coach, train, ferry-boat, plane, hellicopter.We also walked and climbed a lot.

Visited Denmark, England and Scotland 2004

HEALTH

In general, Tony had good health all his life.

As a young adult, he had some serious episodes of epilepsy. He took medication for some years until he had a long continuous period without seizures. From the time epilepsy was diagnosed, he didn't drive a car.

Another ongoing problem he had was varicose veins. He had surgery in 1978. This corrected some of the problem. However he was left with severe oedema in one leg. In the 1990's he was hospitalized with DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and again in 2004.

As he got older he had some arthritis especially in his hands. He controlled this by taking a daily dose of tumeric ginger and cinnemon mixed in applejuice, a recipe he got from Sister Phil, one of the teachers in St Mark's.

INTERESTING EVENTS that also happened on July 21

http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/02hist/7July3.html

1750 - Under-Secretary Waite reports to Chief Secretary Weston that ‘This morning I am informed that Lord Allen and Captain Eustace of Irvine’s have slit if not cut off a great part of a gentleman’s nose in a fray which happened a day or two ago in the road between Dublin and Naas. The occasion of it was very trifling, such as the gentleman returning the salutation of a fellow which they gave him and which they thought proper to deem an affront upon persons of their rank and in red coats.’ The victim, a Mr. Butler from Co. Tipperary, indicts Allen and Eustace in the courts; Waite writes on 11 August that Allen ‘will have three or four Butlers to fight after they have harassed him by due course of law’

1860 - Birth of Chauncey Olcott, famed Irish balladeer and writer of “My Wild Irish Rose.” He also co-wrote “Mother Machree” and “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”

1887 - Thomas Bodkin, lawyer and professor, is born in Dublin. Director of the National Gallery from 1927-35, he wrote several books on Irish art and artists

1903 - Edward VII and Queen Alexandra visit Ireland

1920 - 12 people die in Belfast riots which take place from 21-24 July

1920 - Sectarian violence continues in Derry/Londonderry

1920 - Catholics are forced out of Dromore, Co. Down following the funeral of an RIC man

1922 - The Free State army takes Waterford from the anti-treaty Republicans

1928 - John B. Keane, playwright, novelist and poet, is born in Listowel, Co. Kerry

1964 - Steve Collins, World Middleweight Boxing Champion, is born in Dublin

1972 - 'Bloody Friday' in Belfast; the Provisional IRA kills 19 and injures 130 in 22 bomb attacks

2002 - Approval is granted to open a €30m marine research centre in Galway.

Attended the family gathering at Hotel Minella, Clonmel, July 24 2011.

Amn’t I the lucky woman to have spent so much of my life with such an interesting person. In all those years, I can’t say our lives were ever boring. Uncomfortable!, challenging! yes, on occasions, but also funny, sad, but most of all loving.

May God Rest his wonderful soul, but I don’t pray that he will enjoy ‘eternal rest’ – oh no, there is a lot of work for him to join God in doing – interceding for people as he so often did when he was alive. I am thinking of how on occasions, he accompanied ‘one of the lads’ as he would call them, when they made their not infrequent visits to Court. He always presented their best side to the judge, and that’s what I envisage him doing in Heaven – still loving us all, for LOVE NEVER DIES.

Final editing completed October 21^st, 2017